Letter of Self Introduction
Letter
of self-introduction
September 06, 2022
Subject: Self Introduction
Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Daniel and I am a first year student in SIT,
taking up a course in Robotics System. I am writing this letter to formally
introduce myself to you. Previously, I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with
a diploma in Biomedical Engineering.
My interest in engineering started back when I was in
secondary school. My mother owns an automation engineering company and that is
when I started to help her out with things like assembly of small parts. As the
years gone by, I started to learn more, such as wiring of machinery, building
up of machines and maintenance on them. While working for my mother, I got to
see the application of robots in the engineering industry and I was fascinated
by the things they can do. They could do things like fix up parts to make a
whole new equipment without the help of a human. The only thing a human must do
is to put the relevant materials on the machine and press the start button for
it to carry out its task.
As for me, I feel that I am a socially interactive person. I
enjoy getting to know people and making new friends. Conversing with people has
never been a boundary I cannot overcome. I am the kind of guy that can talk
about anything under the sun, be it games, school, or sports, you name it.
However, a communication weakness I have is public speaking.
I tend to get a little nervous when speaking in front of a large crowd. I feel
that maybe it is because I am afraid of being judged harshly in front of
others, especially by the people I know.
By the end of this module, I hope to see an improvement in
my public speaking skills so that I can speak up confidently without worrying
about being judged by others. In addition, I also hope to be able to pick up
more effective communication skills as I believe this is a very important
factor for my future when I am looking for jobs or in the working industry.
Yours Sincerely,
Daniel Lee
Daniel has demonstrated how working in his mother's company led to his interest in robotics, and clearly explained his communication strength and weakness. Here are some changes you could make to improve your letter.
ReplyDelete1. “taking up a course in Robotics System.” should be changed to “Robotics Systems” due to subject verb agreement
2. “As the years gone by,” should be changed to “As the years went by,” due to verb tense
Thanks for the letter.
This letter is engaging and enjoyable to read. In this letter, you shared your relevant work experience in your mother's company, which explains why you are interested in robotics and explained your communication strength and weakness clearly.
ReplyDeleteIn your first paragraph, "My name is Daniel and I am a first year student in SIT, taking up a course in Robotics System." there is a mistake on the subject verb agreement. You can change "Robotics System" to "Robotics Systems".
Dear Daniel,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and yet detailed letter and the personal sharing. I appreciate how the content is well aligned with the assignment brief, the organization is straight forward, and the language use generally effective. You've done a good job providing supporting information for each specific content area, allowing us readers to gain a better understanding of who you are.
From the reflection on your comm skills strength and weakness, it's easy to see that you have great potential for becoming an effective communicator because you know what you need and you have the motivation to improve. You mention your interest in robotics since your mom has an automation company and you have experience there. That's great, and as you know, the ability to communicate one's ideas is essential when discussing any aspect of the automation field.
In this letter, your language use is effective, but tere are a few areas to take note of:
1. overuse of caps
-- a course in Robotics System
-- a diploma in Biomedical Engineering
-- Sincerely,
2. verb forms
-- As the years gone by, > (tense / form error)
3. inconsistent use of pronouns
-- They could do things like fix up parts to make a whole new equipment without the help of a human. The only thing a human must do is to put the relevant materials on the machine and press the start button for it... > (they or it? referring to what?)
4. Another point from the last paragraph: You seem to be differentiating between speaking skills and communication skills, while one is actually a subset of the other.
Please take the opportunity to revise this letter; it's all buidling toward your future.
Cheers,
Brad